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Sitting in my room, listening to music. Feel... I'm not sure. Weird.… - LeTs*DaNcE!! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Apr. 18th, 2008|12:08 am]
Sitting in my room, listening to music.
Feel... I'm not sure. Weird.

I went to this program tonight called "I Know What You're Doing This Summer..." that was basically just information about summer "opportunities" such as research, internships, blah blah blah.

Just made me feel like I'm way off track. Or like I should be doing engineering or pre-med or something. Not like I want to, just like I should.

Doesn't really interest me at all. I'm not too big into science, and the idea of being in a lab for hours at a time makes me want to puke. The only thing I would even mildly enjoy is forensics, but you can't even do that until you're like a Ph.D. student. Which is a joke.

Doing what? I'm a math major for Pete's sake. I know you don't have to do it in your major, but isn't the point to get experience? I don't know what other like field I would apply for an internship in anyway. Urgh.

Basically I feel like since I'm (allegedly) "smart" I should have higher goals or like, desire a more "successful" career, i.e. engineer, doctor, lawyer. I mean, if I do want to be a teacher, really what kind of research or internship could I get relating to that?

Do I even want to be a teacher?

I feel like I don't belong here at UF. It has like the #1 research programs in like a bunch of fields and whatnot. And like, supposedly it could be pretty easy to get an internship since I go here because it looks good or whatever. But I don't really want to.

I don't actually want to be a doctor or an engineer, but sometimes I want to want to. If that makes sense.

Also, Jacob seems to always want to emphasize his double major pre-med crap. Like earlier he was like, I mean if you want to be a teacher than it doesn't really matter if you do research, but I'm pre-med so it's pretty much required. Which I know is somewhat true, but he said it dick-ish. Like I'M PRE-MED. I HAVE TO. Like he's better than me.

Which he is not.

Whatever. I will be spending my summer skating as much as possible, and hopefully coaching too. That could make me a little bit of money. But I will be working too, either as a lifeguard at Lake Lytal/Santaluces or at Build-A-Bear with Kyla. Or something else lame, but probably one of those.

I might apply for Preview staff next year. I think it could be cool, but at the same time I kind of don't know if I wanna apply. Because, first of all, I doubt myself. I don't really think I would get it, and that would suck. I wish I wasn't so afraid of interview situations, because that's like the only way to make a good impression and get any job or anything. And I suck at it. Secondly, I don't know if I would want to be away from skating all summer. I guess I'd have to check the dates and stuff, and see how this summer goes. I'd have the apartment so on my days off I wouldn't have to be in Broward constantly, which is good. I think if I did make it on to Preview staff it would really help with my (currently non-existent) leadership skills. And help me to be more open in front of people, like less shy.

I kind of want to apply for Cicerones too. But again, I doubt my ability to actually make it. It's apparently really hard to get accepted, but would be cool. Kinda feel the same about that as Preview.

I want to get involved with stuff in college, I really do. I just haven't really found anything TO get involved with. There's probably some weird Math thing I could do. Maybe I'll do Habitat for Humanity next year. Or some of those clubs I thought about joining but then didn't. Cru? NeW? Eh, I'll figure it out. I always do.